His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
