dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She bit a glass in half.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
