She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
