Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
