You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
