We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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