forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
