The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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