the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
