they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
