There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
