They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
