"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
