We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
