The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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