God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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