I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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