My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
