Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
