He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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