Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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