I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sober January is a disaster.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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