Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Girls should come with a carfax report
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
