i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
