I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
