and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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