You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
do nipples grow back?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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