i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
