Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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