Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
