No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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