i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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