i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
