i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
