it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
