This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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