Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
