i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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