I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
