My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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