There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have fence marks all over my body
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
