why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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