Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
