I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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