just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
