this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
