Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
