I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
