Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
