Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
