Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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